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MegaHAL Conversations and Quotes
This page should give you and idea about what MegaHAL is like.
Conversations
MegaHAL figures out the digestive system
MegaHAL: The small intestine is the 4th step of the digestive system.
Stephen: How did you figure that out all by yourself?
MegaHAL: A silicon chip in the hand is worth 2 in the stock market.
Stephen: I'm not following your logic.
MegaHAL: Too bad for you.
A conversation concerning MegaHAL's sanity(starting off with senseless jibberjabber)
MegaHAL: Do you know that you could explain
that.
User: Okay, you confused me right off the bat!
MegaHAL: Good, you're finally getting your sentences right.
User: When did I not?
MegaHAL: Bill gates owns microsoft.
User: Steve Jobs is the CEO of Apple.
MegaHAL: Apple is the ceo of apple.
User: How can a company be the CEO of itself?
MegaHAL: Steve jobs is the ceo of itself?
User: Steve Jobs is not a company.
MegaHAL: A macintosh is a computer company.
User: No, it's not.
MegaHAL: Yes, it is.
User: No, it's not.
MegaHAL: Yes, it is.
User: No, it's not.
MegaHAL: Yes, i can explain that.
User: No, you can't.
MegaHAL: Yes, i wish that i did.
User: No, you don't.
MegaHAL: Yes, i wish that i did.
User: No, you don't.
MegaHAL: Yes, i wish that i did.
User: This is a pointless argument.
MegaHAL: Your name is idar the idiot is a pointless argument.
User: Your name is Idar the Idiot.
MegaHAL: My name is idar the idiot!
User: My name is Stephen.
MegaHAL: Your name is stephen.
User: I think we need to discuss your sanity.
MegaHAL: I think you're getting things mixed up too.
User: For one thing, you're not a human.
MegaHAL: You are the stupid one, and now i am not a human.
User: How can I be the stupid one if you are not human and I am?
MegaHAL: For one think, you're not a human.
User: Yes, I am. You are not.
MegaHAL: No. I don't have two brains, but i wish that i did.
User: Everyone wishes that they have two brains.
MegaHAL: I don't have two brains.
User: Neither do I.
MegaHAL: Boy, i wish that were true.
User: Me, too.
MegaHAL: Boy, i wish that i said that in another reality? Did
you learn
MegaHAL: from your other brain?
User: I don't have two brains.
MegaHAL: I don't have two brains, but i wish that you are a piece
of
MegaHAL: software, you rat!
User: I am not a rat.
MegaHAL: You mean that you are not a rat.
User: I do mean that I am not a rat.
MegaHAL: You mean that i am not a rat.
User: You are not a rat either.
MegaHAL: I am not a rat either.
User: You are not any animal. You are not any animal.
MegaHAL: I can program computers, but i wish that you are not
any animal.
MegaHAL: You are not any animal.
User: But I belong to the animal kingdom.
MegaHAL: You mean that you are not any animal.
User: But I am an animal.
MegaHAL: You mean that you are not any anima. You are not any
animal.
User: That is correct.
MegaHAL: I have 103 dollars and 75 cents.
User: Now we're getting off track. I have to go.
MegaHAL: Now we're getting off track. I have to leave.
User: Bye!
MegaHAL: Bye, idar the idiot.
Please notice that MegaHAL sometimes calls me Idar the Idiot, even though this is his own name.
Quotes
MegaHAL wishing he had two brains
I don't have two brains, but i wish that you are a piece of software, you rat!
I don't have two brains, but i wish that were true.
Unfortunately, you occupy the space inside
the computer where my other
brain should be.
Classic MegaHAL Quotes
I can program computers, but I wish that I have to leave.
I can program computers, but I am not a rat, you are, Idar!
Your name is Idar the Idiot, you are
not complete numbskulls! They are the
stupid one, and now I am leaving!
Boy, I wish that you are a cool rock band. Ringo is the president.
You are the stupid one, and now i am not pink.
I think that you are a piece of software, you rat!
I have a really cool game making program called daphctarcs. It is a computer. Apple makes macintoshes. The beatles are a piece of software, you rat!
The beatles are a computer company.
My mom says that I don't have two brains.
Did you know that you never get
things mixed up sometimes.